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October 20th, 2012

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08:56 pm - Reactions to Awesomeness
Another synagogue experience.

I came into the synagogue just a bit before the sermon this week.  The Rabbi got up to speak, and begins his talk by asking "Does anyone here speak Solresol?  Even know what it is?"  I'm already on my feet; had to wave a bit and even speak up, since I was way in the back.  He describes Solresol, what it is, why it was invented it, the fact that it's hardly heard of now.  "Does anyone here speak Volapuk?" he asks (not Volapük, his pronunciation was bad).  Once again, I stand and wave.  He speaks about Volapük and it history, and finishes up asking "Does anyone here speak Láadan?" (more Ladán, but I knew what he meant.)  And sure enough, there's me again.  In describing Láadan, he remarks that its inventor (Suzette Hayden Elgin) has been known to grouse at her language's obscurity in the face of the popularity of the "hyper-male" Klingon language.  I don't say it out loud, only to the people near me: "I speak that too."  That's actually comparatively well-known (the language and the fact that I speak it, around my synagogue.)

The discussion of conlangs in the sermon was inspired by the fact that today's Torah reading included the Tower of Babel story, and he wanted to speak of that, and of the "Generation of Separation," the generation of people involved, who merited being dispersed by God all over the world.

Meanwhile, though, after the services, I'm getting approached by friends and strangers alike; "how do you know all those languages?"  I talk to some folks about them, even recount my line about how Volapük is the Laura Bridgman of auxiliary languages (maybe I'll explain that in a comment).  Even find myself telling someone, "Yes, I speak or at least know all of those.  I speak Welsh too, and others.  I can show you how to tie a Turks Head knot.  I invented an origami mezuzah.  Here [I was actually holding one!] is a bencher I've been working on.  I drew one of the fonts I used in it.  I can recognize another dozen or so common fonts on sight.  I really do all these things."  All in one person, and there was more I hadn't touched on.  There's so much depth in each of these topics, too, so much to know, so much to cover—and so much more that I know, personally, even in my sometimes cursory studies of these things, than most people. 

The weird part is how experiences like this make me feel.  I'm not sure I can explain it well, and not sure I should, here, even if I could.  It makes me feel... weird.  Maybe partly guilty or presumptuous: How do I deserve to be this awesome?  And if I know all this stuff, why am I not writing it down, teaching it, making something useful out of all of it?  And how much longer can I expect to stay this awesome?  (For that matter, is it really awesome?  Am I justified in feeling like it is?)  I was too wound up to stay after walking home; I turned around and went back outside to walk around for a while, maybe run into some other people from services (it happened).

All in all, an... experience, I guess.  I guess it's a strange thing for the other people to recount to co-workers... it's even weirder from the inside.  That's a whole different discussion, though.

(6 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:April 29th, 2016 01:03 pm (UTC)

Old post, I know

Ahh... I really know this feeling.

I was raised in the USA, then moved to Iceland and now live in Sweden. Between all this I've also studied Esperanto, Faroese (=heavy dialect of Icelandic), Japanese, and taken glances at Indonesian, Chinook Jargon and Greenlandic among some other things. In my free time, for the most part, instead of watching TV I'm learning stuff in some way or another. I get really discouraged at physical crafts (ex. knitting) so I usuall only stick to mental stuff though. Oh, I also do some memory exercises on the side but not too seriously (because I'm lazy).

Now I'm at the point where I can read any grammar book, or even at times just see lists of vocabulary, and figure out what's going on behind it all. Or I can at say "ah in Iceland it's like this". Yeah, I've eaten sheep's eyes and jellied brains and fermented shark and I don't remove the guts when I fry squid.

Then there are all these people who have never learnt... anything. They don't try anything new. They've never lived anywhere else. They go "I can't do that; I'll never visit my dream place or get my dream job" for absolutely zero reason - they just block off the possibility. I generally look at what can be improved, so if I think something is better than what I was doing before, I replace it and create a new system. So many people just stop because "it's not what everyone else does".

I wasn't always like this, as in when I was a kid I was just as brainwashed as everyone else but somewhere along the line it became this way... I have some other problems too, like I'm almost blind and my family has essentially disowned me, which again just adds up to "strange experiences other people aren't having"...

But I do write tons of lessons, and I keep starting on books, I just never FINISH them!! So lately I've been trying to have really tiny goals and just say "when that's done, that's it, I'm publishing it". Anyway, instead of thinking "I'm awesome" I tend to think "I'm normal and it's just that other people are being lazier than me"... There are tons of people who know way more stuff than me in the world, after all.

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